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This is nice 11/8/2009
let me know what you think about roleplaying.
5 Comments, 92 Views,
4 Votes
,0.14 Score
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guess your weight 11/7/2009
A man decides he wants to have a pig roast, so he goes out to
a pig farm to buy one. He agrees on a per pound price with the
farmer and then begins to select a pig. "How about
that one?"
"OK, " replies the farmer. The farmer then
picks up the pig, puts it`s tail in his mouth, lets it hang
from his mouth and then declares, "This one weighs
74 pounds."
"That`s amazing, " the man ...
1 Comments, 104 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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goat hunting 11/7/2009
A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting.
The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any
farm animals.
The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed
to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything
about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed
so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer.
"It ...
1 Comments, 104 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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used parrot 11/7/2009
Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large
beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said
$50.00. "Why so little?" she asked the pet store
owner.
The owner replied, "Look, I should tell you first
that this bird used to live in a house of , and
sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have
the bird ...
1 Comments, 89 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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secret to a long marriage 11/3/2009
There once was a little old man and woman who had been married
happily for 75 years. They never kept anything from each
other. But, the little old woman had a box in her closet which
she told her husband not to look at. He respected her wishes
and thought nothing of it.
One day the little old woman got very sick and her husband
was afraid she was going to pass on. So while she she was ...
4 Comments, 151 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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story with a moral.... 11/1/2009
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch
of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's
youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long
as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would
have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he
still had no answer, he would be killed.
The question was: What do ...
1 Comments, 68 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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the virtue of purity 11/1/2009
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on
a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his
move. "No thank you." she said politely. "This
may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping
myself pure until I meet the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult." the man replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But,
it has my husband ...
1 Comments, 91 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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one of THOSE days.... 11/1/2009
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused.
A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you
sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened that's so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her.
Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg
and kicked ...
1 Comments, 85 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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six double vodka's 11/1/2009
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the bartender, "Give
me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of
a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is
gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the
same drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the
answer came back, "I've just found out that ...
1 Comments, 82 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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a sexist joke :O 10/30/2009
...why do men like to be on the bottom during sex so much?
......because they only know how to fuck up 
2 Comments, 55 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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The healing touch ! 10/2/2009
A Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one
afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The
man looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that
Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes, "
so the man told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched
back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat ...
4 Comments, 219 Views,
48 Votes
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Politically Correct 9/25/2009
He does not have a BEER GUT. He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN
STORAGE FACILITY.
He is not a BAD DANCER. He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME. He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS.
He is not BALDING. He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a CRADLE ROBBER. He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIPS.
He does not get ...
1 Comments, 48 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Combacks 9/25/2009
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. ...
1 Comments, 57 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Men 9/25/2009
... Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
... Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night
long.
... Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
... Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
... Coolers. Load them ...
1 Comments, 32 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Marriage counseling ! 9/4/2009
A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years
of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went
into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem
they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She
went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,
loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire
laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over ...
3 Comments, 228 Views,
30 Votes
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30 truths about women 9/1/2009
1. Wherever they are, women will stop to look at four things,
earrings, handbags, shoes, and clothes.
2. Women love eating chocolate cake but always complain
about their weight.
3. If a woman ask you if she is getting fat, if you say ‘no’,
she won’t believe you and if you say ‘yes’, she’ll get mad.
4. If you need to explain ...
4 Comments, 140 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score
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Shrink vs.Bartender 8/22/2009
Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders
EVER SINCE I WAS A , I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE
UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think
there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year, '
said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able ...
5 Comments, 131 Views,
6 Votes
,5.64 Score
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funny things happening during sex 8/10/2009
whats funny shit has happend to you whilst having sex. best
one for me was when someone had a water belly so made funny
sounds  hahahhaha
4 Comments, 140 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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GENDER ITEMS 8/8/2009
ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but
you can always see right through them.
SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears
useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time
just opening bottles.
KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom
in pairs.
SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its
tongue ...
1 Comments, 55 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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WHAT WOMEN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEN 8/7/2009
1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his
stomach you're aiming to high.
2. Women don't make fools of men-most of them are the
do-it-yourself types.
3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you've
got sick of him.
4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
...
3 Comments, 83 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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Confounded sex ! 8/3/2009
A man was in a terrible accident, and his 'manhood'
was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him
that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance
wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered
cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3, 500 for
'small, $6, 500 for 'medium, $14, 000 for 'large.'
The man was sure he would wanta medium or ...
3 Comments, 189 Views,
34 Votes
,0.18 Score
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Man Rules 7/27/2009
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and
after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what
time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you
that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting,
fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old
buddies and ...
2 Comments, 118 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Milk 7/25/2009
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you
can get the milk for free."
Here's an update for you . . . Nowadays 80% of women are
against marriage.
Why?
Because women finally realize it's not worth buying
an entire Pig . . . just to get a little sausage.
5 Comments, 141 Views,
11 Votes
,4.48 Score
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Comebacks to Pickup Lines 7/24/2009
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. ...
2 Comments, 77 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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The Cuckoo Clock 7/23/2009
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would
be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the
hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the
cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing he'd probably wake up, I cuckooed ...
1 Comments, 124 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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BAD NEWS 7/5/2009
A secretary walked into her boss's office & said,
"I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you."
"Why do you always have to give me bad news?"
he complained.
"Tell me some good news for once."
"Alright, here's some good news, " said
the secretary.
"You're not sterile."
2 Comments, 207 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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perfect couple 6/26/2009
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After
a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their
life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy
Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect
car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed
someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect
couple, they stopped to help. There ...
2 Comments, 127 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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joys of single life 6/17/2009
Cooking my own meals would be an adventure, not a punishment.
I wouldn't have to explain why I'm wearing "that"
shirt with "those" pants.
I could leave the toilet seat in any position I damn well
please.
I could actually tell the bartender, "If anyone calls,
I'm here".
I'd be painting the town instead of the house.
When I get home after work, I don't ...
1 Comments, 49 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Girlfriend Blowjob Revenge 6/10/2009
I once had a girlfriend that was mad at me, and rather than
just yell at me she decided to play it cool for a couple hours.
After a couple hours had gone by she had this great idea to
give me a blow job. The bad part is, i had forgotten about
the argument or even what it was about. She however, had
not.
So she is eager as hell to undo my pants and is telling me the
dirtiest most erotic ...
7 Comments, 365 Views,
19 Votes
,4.57 Score
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Two elderly women ! 5/25/2009
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities
and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a
few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other
and said, 'Now don't get mad at me, I know we've
been friends for a long time, but I just can't think ...
4 Comments, 181 Views,
26 Votes
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